This month has been hard...

So on Wednesday, I was just getting home from Youth when my grandma called us & left a message with a sorrowful tone... My mom called her back to see what was wrong with her... We were right to be worried her... She had called to tell us that my cousin, Geoffrey, had killed himself... 27 years old & dead... We still don't know how he did it... His mother is in Mexico, getting ready to come for the funeral, but will be returning to her sailing trip after the services are over...
This is why I'm not in a cheery mood Wednesday & yesterday... Some of you might not care about this, but I wish to tell you why I care so much about him... Sure he did do something as selfish like suicide, but he was haunted by the faces he saw die over seas, innocent civilians, murdered by Iraqi soldiers killing off rebels. Why do people believe they have everything great over there when they actually live in fear while the government points guns at their head & tells them what to do. My cousin killed himself because he was afraid & wasn't able to get the true help that he needed...
I'm hurt the most because the last time he ever saw me, I was just a baby who couldn't see. I was hoping that on the day of my graduation, he'd be able to see me all grown up... His brother Shawn however, is taking it why too far with the drama going on... This is hurting me & my mom the most because he was the type of person you'd least expect to do this kind of thing... So if I'm out of it this weekend, you now know what's wrong with me... Please don't shower me with your pity & remind me of what has happened... I need to help my mom get through this & its pretty damn hard with people constantly reminding us about what is going on... We don't need your charity, but it'd help if you just try to get my mind off of it & never mention it too me or I'll break down in tears like yesterday...